Willpower

I think my willpower is slowly improving. To a degree. I popped into Woolworths to grab a chicken and some salads for dinner. Looked at all the baked goods (you have to walk past them as you enter the store). Was going to buy something for the boys lunches and thought, who am I kidding. That would have been my excuse to gobble down something I didn't need. Even managed to get past the hot cross buns ( even though I did stand there for a minute debating in my head about hot cross buns). they have been selling hot Cross buns for a few weeks now, Easter isn't even till April, and its not like I just have one and no butter. I eat 4 a serve and load the butter on. So no hot cross buns till actual Easter. 

I baked muffins the other day, not a packet, from scratch this way i know how much sugar is going into my food. Another good thing I did tonight is even though I served the boys dinner up on large plates, I served mine on a bread and butter plate.

The next decision was a choice of 2 evils. Was running around blood test, computer shop, that I decided to get take (drive thru) I went for a KFC twister small meal. How is this good, If I had of gone though Macca's I would have ended up with probably 2 meals, apple pie and a frappe. It's like my mind goes into junk food overload when I look at there menu. 

Ok bad thing other than the KFC, skipped breakfast, which is what most likely lead me to drive thru meal.

Oh decided to wait for April for my operation, whats 2 more months when I have been obese for 30 years. I want to loose some weight before my surgery, but I am not going to put any pressure on myself to do so.  My decision was a few reasons, if I needed intensive care then I would have been up for $$$$ in a private hospital, hopefully I can save my Superannuation and use it for an apronectomy, plus the out of pocket expenses I can now use to get some bills out of the way and get my old bomb of a car fixed.

So now the fingers are crossed that the specialist had the right information and I am on the public list for April. In the meantime I actually never cancelled my private surgery, just changed the date till 13th March until I actually hear from the the public hospital regarding my surgery. 

With this 2 months hopefully I can get all these health problems under control. I have IBS and it's getting worse. Now my blood tests have come back with B12 deficiencies. I just went for more blood tests today and see my doctor again on Friday. I am hoping that my colonoscopy and gastroscopy is done by then too (been on the waiting list Category 2 for over 14 months now). 

Now that I have to take tablets daily for the diabetes, I have been really good taking the tablets for the arthritis, iron tablets and vitamin D. Except for the constant diarrhoea I have actually been finding my health improving slightly. Now if I can get into the habit of using my symnicort every day.

OMG I sound like a walking pharmacy, well that's part and parcel of being super obese folks :(

I want to start exercising again, really need to get these bowels under control. I don't know if whoever reads this has experienced Irritable bowel syndrome (that's what I have been blaming for the last 15 years though now beginning to think it is something underlying as it's getting worse) I have loose water like motions, specially soon after eating. But it really restricts your activities. It has got worse with my weight gain so hopefully it's another problem that melts away with my fat after the operation.

Someone asked why I wasn't skinny considering I have IBS, I know it's because my body is flushing away all the good stuff and keeping all the shit and fat I eat. That is why I belief I have so many deficiencies too.

Look at me go on about my medical issues. How boring. I am trying to paint a picture for you of what my life is like. Maybe one of my future posts I will graph my weight history (should be interesting to do). I am still doing my list up of what I want to achieve. Was also considering posting some pictures, but for privacy reasons at the moment blobbing out my face. Still up in the air about sharing person stuff like weight. Decisions decisions.