Monday, 16 April 2012


Watching Extreme Makeover, and the guy is getting weighed in on a freight scale. Brought back memories of my last pregnancy where the hospital only had scales that went to 120kg and I had to go down to the basement to weigh on the freight scale, it was so demeaning and soul destroying. Think I was around the 140 plus kilogram mark I can't remember exactly.
Now the show is comparing food addiction to drug addicts. But it's true. As a super obese person, I can crave something to the point where I will have a total pig out, I once went through the McDonald drive thru and ordered a family meal, just for myself. Have only done it once but that disgust and self loathing I had in myself for days afterwards. Tonight my boys where eating corn chips while watching tv, before I realised it I had helped them consume the whole bowl, I don't think I even stopped for a breath. It was just a unconscious reaction. I used to think why should I deprive the kids the privilege of treats. I turned my privilege into an addiction. Would a drug addict sit there and say, hey kids you inject the heroin, but mummy can only watch!!! I need a healthy home for my kids and that will help me keep myself healthy. Treats need to be saved for birthdays, Christmas and movie nights. Not be available all the time. I usually make my kids lunches with a sandwich, piece of fruit, muesli bar and packet of chips. the chips need to go and be replaced with a second piece of fruit. Chocolate puddings need to be swapped with yogurts. Limit my lazy cooking days (frozen pies and frozen pizza type meals) with home made pizza's on pita, or savory mince on wholemeal toast. If there is no "fast food/snacks" in the house then I'm more likely to snack healthy myself without temptation in my face every time I walk in the pantry door or open the fridge door.
I have come a long way in over a year, not in my weight loss but in other bad addictions and habit. Over a year ago I used to smoke a packet a day (25's). I slowly cut down over time, best law Australian government ever brought in was as from 1st January 2012 shops could no longer display cigarettes. They could still sell them but having them in your face as you where finishing your purchase, always ended with "and a packet of smokes too".  Since they now hide them in locked cabinets the "Out of site out of mind" saying rings so true. Also doubling the price last year helped me cut right back. I cannot say I am totally nicotine free. I do find myself scabbing the occasional smoke when out with friends. But that has now become few and far between and I can't even smoke a full cigarette anymore.
Another habit gone is once a fortnight I used to get smashed for the weekend. Could down 12 plus bourbon and cokes easy. Kid free weekend was drunk Jo weekend. But something happened is I started to get really sick after my binge. Later to discover "hello diabetes" So bye bye to my binge drinking. I now have an occasional drink but been middle of last year since my last binge. Giving away the alcohol also helped give away the smokes.
Giving away drinking also said goodbye to promiscuous behavior, not that I was a tart. But I was married at 21 so when I divorced in 2006 I kind of had a few norty liaisons. Not as bad as Sam on 'Sex in The City' but no Charlotte either. But being single over the last 6 years (I have had 2 serious relationships since my divorce) Alcohol gave me confidence my self esteem lacked.
So no smokes, booze or sex......OMG that is sad lol

I finally broke another habit after 40 years with this revolting habit of biting my nails, I have grown my nails. A few keep breaking, but to have my own nice nails (I am a beautician so I can have fake nice nails when I want). this is only a recent achievement, I actually think it has something to do with the fact I now take Vitamin D and Iron daily and have monthly Vitamin B12 injections. Oh also winning the battle with my coke addiction (the soft drink kind). I used to drink at least 1.25 Litres a day, now I have cut back to about 1 bottle a week.
Now to concur my bad sleep patterns and food addiction............

Oh didn't record my weekly weigh, 400 grams up. Considering my massive binge was expecting more. Well only had one norty corn chip moment so far, so fingers crossed back on track.

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